Stupid Things That I Do in My 20s

This is me at 22. Yes, I am in a mailbox.

I’m 26 and I do a lot of stupid shit. A few months ago, there was a viral movement of women who uploaded videos of themselves talking to their younger selves. The #DearMe campaign featured celebrities and regular gals of all ages, expressing how much they wished they knew then what they know now. It’s a classic form of “regret” I suppose. Obviously we learn more about ourselves and the world around us as time goes on. Thank you, experience! But sometimes it’s frustrating not knowing it all right now.

A couple nights ago I couldn’t sleep, so I turned on the television to catch up on some late-night aired daytime tv — The Real was on. In the episode, the ladies spoke about what they wish they knew back in their twenties. Tamar Braxton admits she was a bit of a serial dater in her younger days but wishes she didn’t care so much about what people thought of her love life. Tamera Mowry-Housely wishes she didn’t worry so much about a particular break-up because she ended up with someone even better anyways. Even though she didn’t have much back then, Jeannie Mai wishes she appreciated all she had — especially family time. Adrienne Bailon, who is only 31, said she wishes she wasn’t such a people pleaser. And Lonie Love hilariously said the advice she would give her twenty-something self is “don’t give it all up for free;” she later said she wishes she wasn’t so self-conscious. According to everything I hear about the twenties along with my own experience, the twenty-something decade will always be full of insecurity, confusion, and bad choices. It’s not a bad thing though!

Despite always seeing a daily news story about a 10-year-old who cured a disease or a 5-year-old self-made millionaire, your twenties don’t have to be all about self-loathing. Sometimes when I look around (read: “scroll up and down”) and see everyone living their perfect Valencia filtered lives, I think “what am I doing wrong?!” It’s even worse when people assume that I have all my shit together. It just adds more pressure to be seen as perfect or at least good enough. I’m tired of all the frontin we put up. I’m not saying that happiness is obsolete or fraud. I’m just saying this is our actual first decade of adulthood and maybe we don’t know it all. Maybe we all have anxiety. Maybe we aren’t so sure of ourselves or our decisions. Maybe we are all just confused and going along with the flow of life. It’s bonkers to me when I see so many folks on social media flaunting their success (while shaming others for not being rich enough or “boss” enough), but then speak to these same folks and hear them bitch and moan about how hard life is. Why are we faking it?!

I don’t really post anything revealing about my personal or work life on social media. But if you believe I have my shit together, think again! Just like you, I am confused, worried, guessing and just learning as I go along. This post is for the humans out there — flaws and all. If you do, in fact, have all your shit together before age 30. Yasss and applause for you gworl! Teach us your ways. Until then, here’s my list of stupid shit that I do:

I Care Too Much About What People Think: I try my best not to. I remember I had a job that looked really good on paper but sucked in real life. I felt proud to say the name of the company to my family and peers, but I actually hated working there. I spent most of my twenties worrying about what my family, friends, and boyfriends would think about things that really only affected me. I’m growing out of this sucky phase for sure. I know we are living in this IDGAF culture and I be losing fucks from time to time, but in reality I actually do give a few fucks.

I Date The Wrong People: I can know a guy has nothing going for him, has a bad temper, is a liar, or just an all around awful person and still entertain him with my time. I guess sometimes I just don’t want to be lonely. Plus, the writer in me just always finds people interesting no matter what. Maybe I date the wrong guys for creative reasons — or maybe I’m just bored.

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I Slack on Exercising: I know, I know, the twenties is the decade to get it right and get it tight before it gets way too hard in the future. I have to admit, I enjoy my bed and Netflix over the treadmill. I’m learning to take better care of my health but it’s annoyingly hard.

I Procrastinate: I am the queen of putting things off until the very last minute. Surprisingly, that’s how I get my best work done!

I Don’t Budget Correctly: I’m not so bad with money, but I can definitely be better. Instead of looking at my exact funds, I round (up or down depending how much I want to guiltlessly spend) to the nearest whole number and say a little prayer.

I Do Without Thinking: I truly don’t know what I am doing half the time. I just follow my intuition. But sometimes my intuition is quiet and I just don’t know what to do.

I Think Too Much: I am always confused. Before making any decision, I go off on this hour long daydream episode thinking about how much my world would change if I choose the soup over the salad. I don’t know the future and sometimes that scares me. This year I am in the process of relocating and it has been such a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions. I guess we won’t always know the answers before we are supposed to.

I Want People to Like Me: This stupid thing that I do is on its way out of my repertoire of stupid things. I used to find it so hard to say “no” (or “fuck you”). I didn’t want to offend anyone even if they were offending me. Though I’ve learned to stand up for myself, I still find myself overextending my time, help, and sanity in an attempt to not let people down. I think the lesson of self-care and self-respect develops over time. I’m really happy this stupid thing won’t last.

What stupid thing do you do? Also, are 20-somethings the only stupid ones? I’m sure the 30, 40, and 50+ crowd does some stupid things too! Leave comments below.