The Last Day of 24: 24 Things I Learned Before 25

I sit here 11:22 pm December 22, 2013. Just less than an hour until my 25th birthday. Today I feel strange. I wonder if I did enough so far. I wonder if all the boxes are checked on the list of unwritten life rules. It’s a funny time for me. For the first time I actually feel myself maturing. As I enter the next quarter of my life, I look back on everything I’ve learned as a young adult woman. From relationships to career, these 24 years included a lot of growing pains. But each pain made way for future joy.  I think back to 21, 22, hell even 23 and I was not even half of who I am today. I don’t have all the answers and I find myself lost at times but the road is getting clearer. My list of lessons below, perhaps you can relate:

24.  No one will help you more than you can help yourself. NO ONE! The world goes around by people helping each other yes, but you can only attract support by pushing yourself. Even then, the support is only a quarter of the work. I realized that I am 100% responsible for ever decision and emotion in my life. I’ll only go as far as I push myself.

23. Your parents are not always right. My mother has always been overprotective and sometimes her love and need to protect me can hinder me from venturing into the unknown if I let it. Parents are super cautious. They don’t want us to get hurt or fail but it’s that ugly part that will lead us into our own beauty.

22. Your parents are not always wrong. Now don’t count out your folks all together. They got years on you and they know what they are talking about when it comes to fundamental things like financial security and even personal dilemmas.

21. Allow relationships to run its course. Not all friendships last. Not all romantic relationships last. It’s ok to let them go. You both served your purpose in each other’s life. In my experience, holding on further stresses it and can cause a bad ending.

20. If there are no children or shared assets involved, it’s not worth the stress. One of the realest lessons I’ve ever learned. I have friends who go through endless frustrating situations with their child’s mother/father. There is no other reason to stay in a bad relationship with person if there are no serious binding factors. Move on when you can. There’s literally nothing to lose.

19.  You can’t expect too much from friends. Friends are going to disappoint you and you will disappoint them. I used to get a little down if I felt my friends did not come through for me. But then I thought, “hey, they probably are going through the same things I am going through.” I cut ’em some slack as I hope they do for me.

18. The gym is really your friend. No lie, I can’t get away with midnight food binges anymore. The gym is your best pal. Join one today. It only gets harder from here.

17. Phony networking is not networking. I hate networking and I am finally comfortable enough to admit it. I love organic conversation and impromptu meetings. For me, the “kiss-ass-here’s-my-card-pseudo-socialite” gig is so boring and goes absolutely nowhere. I book more jobs and make more valuable relationships by just being myself and talking to people who I actually am interested in.

16. If it doesn’t make you happy, don’t do it. This is a lesson that took many tears and groans to learn. I come from the mindset of no pain no gain, so I would stick with crappy situations for the presumed greater good. I don’t think every job has to be all rainbows and clear skies but I should have a core interest in whatever I am doing.

15. Keep secrets. As I get older, things get more serious. I learned to listen to my own advice about almost everything — love, career, living situation, etc. I like to take care of my business on my own terms without  influence. I also like to keep an air of mystery about myself.  😉

14. It’s ok if you aren’t married now. Love is not running out of style. No need to rush. Remember back in 7th grade, you assumed you would be married with kids by now? Me too. I did feel a little self-conscious for a moment when I saw all the wedding photos on Facebook but then I realized how much I have not done or experienced yet. I would not give up this freedom for the world, not right now. We have so much time and love is always present. There’s no cut-off time. The right person will be there at the right time.

13. No mutual benefits, no business. Everything is give and take. In the beginning, it’s ok, no it’s actually crucial, for you to be the intern/servant/grunt because you don’t know anything. You need all the opportunity and experience you can get. But once you’ve developed a craft, you need to respect your skill and look out for your best interests. You can’t be the super nice people-pleasing intern forever and there’s only so many favors you can do before you lose respect and sometimes money. 

12. Always be both a student and teacher. I will forever be a student. I love to learn. But as I am learning, I’ve gained so much to share with others.
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11. Social media can be evil. Facebook is the root of all things unholy. I am not as open on social media as I was 5 years ago. If you follow me on any of my channels, the only thing you’d know is that I am a writer who loves food and Beyonce. Keep your personal life out of cyber space; it’ll save you heartbreak and headache.

10. Be good to your soul. I’ve always been a spiritual person but I recently found mediation to be a must-do daily routine. Especially if you work in a stressful industry or live a hectic lifestyle, it’s important to find your inner peace. Depression is so common among young adults and there’s a reason for that. Keep calm and meditate.

9. You first. Going off of the self-motivation in #24, you have to look out for your first. I don’t mean to say we have to be selfish. But we are unable to give our best selves if we aren’t taking care of our mind, body and soul. In my industry, people will take as much as they can from you and you can end up getting lost in someone else’s dream. Even as an assistant or intern, I would put myself first making sure everything I do would and could apply to my goals.

8. Accept the signs, even if they aren’t good ones. The truth will set you free!

7. It’s ok to be alone. When I am alone, I’m more aware of what’s going on. I used to be scared to be alone but now I see it as an opportunity to reflect.

6. It’s never that bad. I get so in my head about small terrible moments that I forget that the feeling will eventually pass. It’s easy to get discouraged by sucky times but it won’t last forever.

5. You are really young. You don’t have it all together. It’s fine. There’s so much pressure to be the most successful, most rich, most secure person in the world by age 20-something. In reality, it takes time to create and build the life you want. You can enjoy the nonstop ride to your desires. If we had it all together now, there would be nothing to strive for.

4. The comfort zone is danger zone. I get so uncomfortable in my comfort zone. I hate feeling stagnant. Anytime I go outside of the familiar, awesome things happen.

3. Financials over friendships. Maybe you want to keep up with the joneses or maybe you are working at a financially unstable job just to keep up a fancy association, to me its not worth it. When it comes to credit scores, planning for the future, and just taking care of basic needs, superficial desires are worthless.

2. Challenge your fears. I learned not be be scared. I only have today to do what I want. Tomorrow really never comes.

1. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else. Most likely, they’re all lying anyway. This was a lesson I struggled with. It seemed like I was the only one missing out on the fabulous and prosperous life everyone else was living. All Instagram friends are rich and all Facebook friends are in perfect relationships and all Twitter followers are all socialites. The lives you are viewing as you scroll through on your smartphone are just glimpses. Look at your own social media profile. Does it show your entire life? No. It’s easy to feel like crap when someone else presents a seemingly perfect life but you can only define perfect by your own standards. We all don’t want the same thing.

**BONUS: Might as well make it 25 for my 25th: Being authentic will land you in your truthful destiny.  I’ve worn so many faces and personas to get the jobs I thought I was suppose to want to have. What ends up happening is just grueling and miserable days clocking in and out of a job I was not even really into in the first place. I feel more confident than I was in the past. If there’s a job, crowd, or scene that I’m not really into, no matter how “cool” it is, I won’t make time for it.

**BONUS BONUS (Guess I learned more than I thought): People always show you who they are.  Don’t get mad, just believe them.

All and all I realized I’m a cool chick. So are you (well you’re a cool guy if you’re a male reader). All of our edges and quirks makes us something real special. I  understand why we get more confident as we get older. We are getting to know ourselves more each year. It took me almost 2 hours to complete this list. I’m finally 25 and I feel like I’ve just met myself for the first time.

Celebrating my 25th. I’m a whole quarter now!