It Happened To Me: There Are No White People In My Twerk-Out Class And I’m Suddenly Feeling Uncomfortable With It

twerking

**Not me. Found on internet.

January is such a funny time for twerk-out studios. Everyone is trying to get in shape and perfect their dance moves for the New Year. Of course, this means an overload on twerk-hopefuls entering classes just to quit mid-February.

A few weeks ago, as I settled into my crowded evening class, a young, fairly thin white woman took her position right behind me. She appeared to have never set foot in a twerk-out studio before. She anxiously glanced around the room, adjusting her booty shorts, looking wide-eyed and incredibly nervous. Within just the first few minutes of French Montana’s “Pop That,” I saw the fear in her eyes as she attempted to squat and, well, pop that.  She was obviously filled with panic and then despair. Before we even started twerking on the chairs, she had hunched over with her hand on her knees, head lowered, trapped and vulnerable. She stayed there, staring, for the rest of the class.

Because I was directly in front of her, I had no choice but to twerk in her face. I found it impossible to not think about this poor woman behind me. Even though I wasn’t positioned to stare directly at her, I knew she was still staring directly at my ass. Over the course of the next hour, I felt her despair turn into resentment and then contempt. I just knew for sure, it was directed toward me and my booty.

By the time Juvenile’s “Back That Ass Up” came on, I was completely unable to focus on my twerking.  Instead, I was feeling hyper-aware of my spandex booty shorts, my sexy tight tank top, my well-versedness in dropping it like it’s hot. My heavy-set black woman body.  Surely this skinny white girl was noticing all of these things and judging me for them, stereotyping me, resenting me – or so I assumed. However, I’m pretty sure I was right. How could I be wrong?

I thought about how even though Miley Cyrus appropriated this ancient dance which actually originated in Africa, twerking is still biased towards other races, genders, ages, experience levels and socioeconomic statuses. My twerk-out studio preaches the gospel of rump-shaking egalitarianism but despite it all, it is still mostly populated by non-white people. And in large and constantly rotating roster of instructors, I could only remember two being half-white.

I thought about how that must feel: to be a skinny white woman entering for the first time a system that by all accounts seems unable to accommodate her small booty. What could I do to help her? If I were her, I thought, I would want as little attention to be drawn to my unfortunate dance moves and despair – I would not want anyone to notice me;  in fact, I would down a glass of bleach for even embarrassing myself. And so I tried to very deliberately avoid shaking my behind in her face. But I still felt her hostility towards me. Trying to ignore her only made things worse. Should I have told her to bend over to the front and touch her toes? Should I have encouraged her to drop down and get her eagle on? Would that have made me come off rude or ghetto? Condescending even? If I asked her to articulate her experience to me so I could listen, would she have felt more comfortable? Her lack of ass and skill made me feel so uncomfortable. The system should make itself accessible to a broader range of booty shapes.

I got home from that class and immediately broke down crying. I mean I was hysterical. I called my therapist, my mother and my pastor to help me cope with the pain. Twerking, a beloved dance that has helped me through many dark moments in my life, suddenly felt deeply evil. I so deserved to be targeted by that woman’s racially charged anger. But maybe that’s my own psychological projection. Nah, she was totally hating me.

The question is, of course, so much bigger than twerking, so much bigger than my ass – it’s a question of enormous systemic failure.  How can we fix the system? How can America practice twerking in good conscience when there isn’t enough awareness? I’m sure this piece is one of the most inspiring you will ever read in your lifetime. My words will create change and twerking will never be the same. This story calls for hope.

A woman infamously had the same issue as I did. Please read her story on XOJane and appropriately barf afterwards. I didn’t want to state the obvious of how ignorant she is, so I decided to express my frustration through humor.

UPDATE: Reposted on Huffington Post

  • Rob

    You, ma’am, have made my day.

    😀

  • Lyra

    What an absolute hero you are

  • Dani

    *SCREAMS*

  • ph2072

    iHOLLERED. Thanks for the much-needed laugh.

  • Yolibee

    Hilarous! I’m sooo glad I stumbled upon your response!

    • KazzleDazz

      Lol same here! thanks for reading

    • Lol same here! thanks for reading

  • Nicole Yerkes

    Haaaahaha so great 😉

  • GVEST

    :’ )

  • Nicole

    “Should I have told her to bend over to the front and touch her toes?
    Should I have encouraged her to drop down and get her eagle on?”

    Hahaha. Love your writing style KazzleDazz! This was such a great response to the original article. …Now I wish my gym had a twerk class. lol

    • javon

      She’s joking. This is satire. There is no twerk class.

      • Nicole

        I’m aware. I meant I wish twerk classes were REAL. It’d be a ridiculous and fun workout.

      • MonicaMoni

        There are twerk classes though. This story is satire but twerk classes exist

  • Diana K.

    This satire… the slayage… I cannot and never will be able to with this. Laughter doesn’t do it justice. Lol.

  • Odette Roulette

    This is the funniest and best thing all day. haha!

  • Nicole Pelton

    This was great, thank you so much 🙂

  • Dianna

    <3 artfully done

  • JasonM

    Poignant, but found the glass of bleach ref tasteless.

  • tyjomika

    i just got my life back!!!!

  • fujoshifanatic

    Ooooh, you read that girl, and deservedly!

  • Blackyogini

    I gave up the ghost. LOL!!!

  • Alexis D

    This is the kind of funny that you remember forever. This is fucking historical funny. Legendary. However, I am deeply saddened that it is only satire, because I SO deeply wanted this to be an actual thing that actually happened.

    Anyway, you rock. I am in awe.

    • Lol!! Thanks Alexis

    • MamaChitChatChitterling

      Agreed! But I pretty certain this “thought process” has happened in more than a few African dance classes I’ve attended, lol.

  • katrina

    Brilliant!!

  • Mandi G

    Lmaooo yessss! Drop that mic and Naomi Campbell off the stage, boo thang! Love every bit of this. Awesome response to that other piece of ignorance.

  • VioletFem

    HILARIOUS!!! This article is the perfect palate cleanser after reading that drivel published on XOJane.

    • Mignon Ariel King

      LMBBAO! “Lack of ass and skill”!

  • I love you for this.

  • crazygemini12

    Lol! This is great!

  • BougieBadazz

    LMAO @ “Her lack of ass and skill made me feel so uncomfortable.” X__X

  • Lawd have mercy. Literally perfect.

  • Euryale

    Words can’t describe how wonderful this is. It’s just … perfect.

  • bpeach

    this… is… EVERYTHING.

  • Cocoa Chick

    LMFAO!

  • mistresscorpio

    *slow clap standing ovation*

  • nicole

    Thank you for the best come back! The yoga article is utterly embarrassing. I so appreciate your humor.

  • Hilarious! Got all my laughs in for the day!

  • Michele W

    Ooh, SNAP! Best retort ever. You *own* that skinny white behtch!

  • Ramsi

    Great Response, I’d read her article earlier in the day,
    She really pissed me off with that white guilt.
    Whitegirl, Ain’t nobody thinking bout yo skinny tail.

  • YesIdid

    I think I have now received life! LOOOOOOOLLLLL!!!!!!

  • lovelyivy

    I died at this: I got home from that class and immediately broke down crying. I mean I was hysterical. I called my therapist, my mother and my pastor to help me cope with the pain. Twerking, a beloved dance that has helped me through many dark moments in my life, suddenly felt deeply evil.

    Girl I am wipin away my tears of mirth. Thanks for the palate cleanser. That article was giving me rage issues.

  • tracee

    freaking genius

  • Cowboy_X

    /clap

  • Big Pete Bondurant

    “Should I have told her to bend over to the front and touch her toes? Should I have encouraged her to drop down and get her eagle on? ”
    DEATH. Thank you. I will now go out into the world and encourage people to drop down and get their eagle on. Thank you.

  • Yolande Gibson Vicks

    Girl! Hee-LARRY-US!! perfect response, in humor!! Who knew we spoke anything other than hostility, resentment, and anger?!

    • Alexis D

      Hey, don’t sell yaself short. There’s a lot more love out there for you than that. OK, I gotta go before things get too sincere and I start to tear up and it gets weird and lame or something. Still laughing my ass off about this.

  • Kmad

    Oh my goodness this was so hilarious!!! And the other article was totally idiotic!

  • This was dope and just!
    *cues Uncle Luke…don’t stop pop that pop that*

  • novel device

    <3 Best.

  • Focus5thGM

    Beyond awesome lolol!

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  • fmbandit

    Would you say you noticed the fear “snowball” in her eyes or is such imagery not conspicuous against white skin?

  • Afemalehistorian

    The best response ever!

  • Megan

    Lolllllll I love everything about this

  • cyberjohnboy

    Let’s see. KazzleDazz goes to an exercise class. KazzleDazz looks at a Skinny White Girl in the class. Without speaking to Skinny White Girl or asking her opinions on Twerking, Myley Cyrus or race in America, KazzleDazz projects all kinds of assumptions onto Skinny White Girl, and uses the exercise class as a springboard to post about her own Olympian-sized neuroses. There is nothing of value in this article, journalistically speaking. KazzleDazz clearly means well, but meaning well isn’t enough to cut it as a journalist. Describing becoming hysterical and having to call “my therapist, my mother and my pastor to help me cope with the pain” is honest, I suppose, but it doesn’t reassure me that this is someone whose opinions are worth listening to. I find it staggering to read that this piece was commissioned by an editor and approved by her for publication.

    KazzleDazz, a couple of points:
    – You don’t know anything about Skinny White Girl. You didn’t bother to speak to her or solicit her point of view, which anyone with aspirations towards being a journalist would do as a matter of course. It’s nice of you to show empathy towards someone who was showing signs of distress in an exercise class, but that’s really where this analysis should have ended. Everything else – your assumption that she was “hostile” towards you, your assumption that she was angry and that this was “racially charged” – is of very little value, since it’s based on nothing but your own perception. You could have read this situation completely the wrong way. You may even be wrong in your assumption that the woman is “white”. (What if she’s mixed race and just not as dark-skinned as you?)
    – Your attempt to turn your neurosis into something of importance (“The question is, of course, so much bigger than twerking, so much bigger than my ass – it’s a question of enormous systemic failure. How can we fix the system? How can America practice twerking in good conscience when there isn’t enough awareness?”) is, quite frankly, laughable. What is the “systemic failure” of which you speak? What do you mean by “there isn’t enough awareness”? Being a journalist – actually, being an adult – requires us to think outside of our own experience and try and relate our thoughts in an articulate and persuasive way to others – something you don’t appear able to do.
    – The shambles that is this article is not your fault, completely. Your editor should have pulled you up and pointed out the jumbled mess of therapy speak and bumper-sticker politics in your writing, and either not published it or worked with you to make it make sense. As it is, it’s a well-meaning waste of everyone’s time.

    • Jessica

      Oh dear cyberjohnboy, in the time it took you to analyse and respond to this piece you could have read the actual piece it was written in response to. Perhaps if you’d read all the way to the end of this piece you would have worked that out for yourself. But I’m kind of glad you didn’t because your response is golden.

      • Marz

        His response is almost word for word of a response on the original article, with twerking swapped in for yoga. So I’m not so sure if he was being funny or clueless.

    • Pandora

      I love when people respond before reading the entire article… it makes them look super smart! Especially with such a well written comment that literally means nothing, only that you didn’t actually read to the end of the article… smh

    • pamplemousse00

      lollll you’re an idiot.

    • Larissa

      This post is the funniest response I’ve read so far, but this comment trumps all. Especially “Your editor should have pulled you up and pointed out the jumbled mess…” My thought exactly about the xoJane post. You’d think someone would have “politely suggested” Jen rethink the piece before publishing.

    • Kmac

      I’m dying and in tears that you just proved so many points about the original article. You, sir, get the “accidentally stepped in shit and put my foot in my mouth” award. Congrats and good day!

    • Alexis D

      AHAHAHA! Oh, you poor dear. You’re adorable.

    • Kai Chen

      Most accidentally appropriate response to this article. I hope to GOD this is satire, because if so, bravo, sir, bravo.

    • Jill

      I had to stop reading a few times because I found it to be offensive, assumptive, and even obnoxious. Clearly you didn’t get to the end either so I could see how you could form those opinion- all valid points. After getting through the article and learning about the other article, I find it to be hilarious and on point. Your comments would be more fitting on the other article. Wouldn’t you agree?

    • Nik

      Ha, ha … read the original (written by Skinny White Girl Jen Caron on XOJane) and leave this post there! The link is at the bottom of KazzleDazz’s post, if you even bothered to read the whole thing.

  • Jack Hammer

    You either have no idea that this is a PARODY of a piece written by skinny little white girl, and are a moron, or just a moron.

  • Ms.Doctor

    Beautifully written! ! ! Gave me life this morning.

  • Bobala

    Best response. I think the original article about yoga was one of the dumbest things I have ever read on the internet or anywhere. PS cyberjohnboy’s comment should get some kind of award for cluelessness. Or it could be switched around and put on the yoga article.

  • SGillhoolley

    Do they really have classes for twerking? It looks pretty easy to figure out, but maybe there is more to it than I realize.

  • Black Women Save

    🙂 Hilarious!

  • ZindziZenani

    BRAVO!!!!!!! You were right, stating how ignorant she was would have been too obvious. This was a far better, and more entertaining, approach.

  • Brandi Starr

    LMAO! Love this “My twerk-out studio preaches the gospel of rump-shaking egalitarianism ” Great response to the original post. This has made my day. Now to find my nearest Twerk-Out Class

  • Crizzle

    Hilarious, I almost spit out my coffee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  • Lyyns

    “Should I have told her to bend over to the front and touch her toes?” I’m dying. This is brilliant. Such a perfectly hilarious response to that horribly offensive article.

  • JPool

    There have been many smart and sometimes funny responses over the last couple of days to the original piece of self-regarding nonsense. This one is best. Brilliant.

  • oh, girl. I cannot overstate how much “awesome” doesn’t cover it. Well-put, hilarious, clever response to an idiotic piece. You are beyond fab.

  • PseudointelLexual

    Owned. This is what it means.

  • SapphireLight

    Girl, stop judging you and judging her and get your twerk on! Its amazing how we create so many movies and conversations in our head!! Love your body and the boody and move on! Everything is Not for Everybody! We have to be okay with that 🙂 Loved your article!!

    • Nik

      This is a satirical response to the original XOJane post (link is at the bottom of this piece).

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  • nzinga

    brilliant. thank you.

  • Chi

    HA! I’m going to remember this post forever. I love you!

  • Quelyn

    I did not know about the original article. So as I am reading this, I was like “What the hell is going on… I don’t understand this… what?!”. Once I got to the very last sentence I was very happy to learn the origins, haha. Now i’m gonna read the original and think “What the hell is going on… I don’t understand this… what?!”

    • Queen Ajali

      OMG! I am so with you on this one. I was reading like “da fuck!??” This shit is real ignant! i was feeling all types of ways, then I realized what was really happening……..You and I had the EXACT same reaction. LOL Phew, she had me going fa a sec.

  • Jameela

    This is SO well done! Brava!

  • Vivian

    Hilarious!

  • Hey Janae

    Hilarious!

  • I am DYING laughing! Thanks so much for this laugh as that article by girlie was horrid! I cannot believe that article was even published!!!

  • sewit

    sigh…i think i love you!

  • LiberalDeacon

    I love you for this!

  • Nicole

    Kazzledazz… I think this was the most effective response I have seen on this nonsense yet… I am literally in tears here

  • PivotTable

    YOU DESERVE ALL THE AWARDS!

  • Rebecca

    I. Love. You.

  • OMG, you won. You so totally won.

  • Sibs

    Yassss!!! Thank you so much for this article! On a side note, I really really want to join a twerk class now. Anyone know of any in LA? The closest I get to twerk class is when my UFC U-Jam class plays “Twerk Team”:-/

  • Shayola Brown

    OMG! there is a video somewhere on these interwebs of this exceptionally thin young girl “twerking” that should accompany this article. i must find and share.

  • Shayola Brown

    THIS is just the image: http://www.shockmansion.com/wp-content/myimages/2014/01/ggf.jpg must find video. MUST.

  • Shayola Brown
  • BigGirlinTheYogaClass

    You are a genius, sis! Maybe you can get a job writing for Girls. But only the black characters. Wait… But seriously: THANK YOU!
    Signed:

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  • Rachel

    Awesome response!!

  • Guuurrl

    Fantastic Response!

  • Feekee Flux

    brilliant.

  • Alison Blackduck

    Love it!

  • Danelle Douglas

    Hooooooney I love love love it lol made me laugh several times…shared it with my girls and they loved it to

  • Akello

    And I quote: “The system should make itself accessible to a broader range of booty shapes.”— can it get any better than this? Kudos for taking a stand through humor and a serious talent for writing. I was just talking to someone about this article yesterday and you have really EDUCATED people in the RIGHT way!!! Thank you!

  • Daniel W.

    Kazzledazz, I found this clever humor piece via your comment to the “Big Girl Blog.” I have not LAUGHED till I cried in awhile, and I thank you for that. I started crying at this line and didn’t stop until the end of the piece. “Because I was directly in front of her, I had no choice but to twerk in her face.”

  • Perfect!

  • Crystal Lee Jones

    THANK YOU JESUS, BUDDAH, MYATRIA, ETC…!

  • Eliza

    You win the entire internet.

  • Angel

    We are avenged!!

  • I love you!

  • Lune

    LOVE.

  • Liz Sands

    Well done! *applauds*

  • Benningtonite

    I have read three or four parodies of the original article, this is the best.

  • I needed a good laugh today and this did it–brilliant rebuttal. Satire is always the greatest form of rebellion, IMO. Great writing!

  • Elizabeth Schwartz

    Best. response. ever.

  • Melizmatic

    Epic WIN.

  • Erica

    hilar

  • Lanus

    PERFECT. Satire was really the only response to that bit of idiotic patronizing crap. She made me want to hang my head in shame on behalf of all the white yoga ladies….you made me give a big belly laugh out loud. I like your way best. 🙂

    • Ebony

      No need to hang your head in shame. She doesn’t represent all white people.

  • THE GREATEST. I have seen many responses to the original article, but yours completely nailed it.

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  • Desiree Lewis

    This article is probably the most fabulous response ever! Loved it!

  • ARISAR G

    This is hilarious!!! Love the sarcastic response…

  • Jessica Champagne

    the gospel of rump-shaking egalitarianism – bwwwwwwhahahahahahahaah!!! Love it!

  • Brilliant!

  • DeadCowGirl

    Congratulations. You just won the internet.

  • Ty

    Too Dayummm funny!!! It’s a system failure ha! ha! This made my whole damn day, Thank you!!!

  • 777111

    THANK YOU. SO BRILLIANT. awesome, hilarious, and needed.

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  • Mindur Beezwax

    DEAD!

  • xetherealfirex

    Can’t. Even. Deal. The thing that makes me sad for the girl on XOJane is that she probably has no idea how completely awful she is for not only thinking/behaving that way but for PUBLISHING IT ON THE INTERNET! Your response was perfect.

  • Namaste Bitches

    Is there really such thing as a Twerk Out class?? Because if so, this skinny white girl wants in! Brilliant article. 🙂

  • kat

    thank you for saving us from our white saviors. you are wonderful.

  • Kelsey

    This…this is how satire written. Absolutely brilliant.

  • Sophia St James

    YES! This is so needed. I am so happy I came across this article. So very happy.

  • KidL77

    LOL! Thank you! You are brilliant!

  • Quilotoa

    Brilliant!

  • Kelly

    Honestly… I dont even know why you posted this… It just proved that racist stereotypes against you are right. You have no business in even judging her or even STATING that shes white or that you’re black. The problem in our generation is we care so much about race when we talk about people. Like oh that black girl… Oh how about that white girl. Like no. Twerking is disgusting. That is something that should only be in the bedroom for your man. Not something that you take a class for or do at the club. Its amazing that it was originated in Africa and i respect that but in reality.. The reason why twerking has become so popular in the last few years IS BECAUSE OF STRIPPERS AND RAPPERS TALKING BOUT STRIPPERS DOING IT. I dont know what you are on.. But this piece was nothing close to the best “piece ive ever read in my life time.”

    • blackalaureate

      *cue white women’s tears*

    • If only you just read the last few lines…you were so close! Better luck next time. Thanks for playing Kelly.

    • JahRW

      Too funny!

    • Skegeeaces

      Reposted from another idiotic response:

      You do know the meaning of “satire”, correct? Did you read the original article this post is critiquing through humor? Do you posses analytical skills past basic reading comprehension? My third grader could have gotten the tongue-in-cheek commentary.

    • Nik

      But your response was hilarious because the point <————- you missed it! Read the original post linked at the bottom of this one and try again.

  • Keka Riley

    YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS! LMAO

  • Nianna Rose Bray

    LOVE THIS. Yes.

  • Thanks for getting me evicted from my condo. I just released the LOUDEST LAUGH in the history of life after cracking up at this article! LOL!!! How did she make the Black woman’s experience at the yoga studio all about her? I swear privileged white people with entitlement issues are so self-absorbed for NO REASON! Like, NONE!

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  • mj

    How ironic that people applaud your article while chastising the author of the article linked in the last paragraph. Thank you for displaying how it’s socially acceptable in this country to laugh at whites and Asians, but a sin to do the same to blacks or Hispanics.

    • nd

      I think you miss the point which is it’s absurd to make all these assumptions about anyone.

    • Skegeeaces

      You do know the meaning of “satire”, correct? Did you read the original article this post is critiquing through humor? Do you posses analytical skills past basic reading comprehension? My third grader could have gotten the tongue-in-cheek commentary.

    • You definitely missed the point. This article was satirical where as the article over at XO Jane by Jen Caron was equally ridiculous, asinine, extremely offensive and unfortunate because Jen Caron wasn’t joking. She seriously believes that her whiteness makes black women uncomfortable. I could go into long detail how Caron’s essay is a form of passive racism, how Caron’s tone through out the piece was of “the poor caged animal raised in captivity only recently released into the wild lost and alone, trying in vain to navigate my world of white privilege”, however I believe Kadia has done a better job of addressing this issue with humor.

  • Maria

    I’m confused… Did XO yoga girl plagiarize your story? I’m a writer and I find it appalling when people steal other people’s work… Regardless of how people view your story, it’s your personal experience and interpretation, and you articulate your feelings quite well. I just wanna know who stole who’s work?! Lol…

    • Nik

      This piece is a satirical response to the XOJane post, which was an unfortunately serious piece.

  • nd

    This was really funny and a great response to the original piece. I wish people would actually read to the end before posting comments or gain some reading comprehension skills.

  • Skegeeaces

    Hahahaahahahahahahahahaha!

  • Christopher Johnson

    GREAT !!!! loved this in response

  • BishPlease

    #Dead!! Love it!!!

  • Sathi

    LMAOOOOOOO!!!! Pure genius!!

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  • jl

    You. Are. Amazing.

  • Rochelle Karina

    That was funny… and a class-act response to the original idiocy.

  • James J

    I laughed the whole way thru this. Thanks

  • Lol….genius

  • mariyamo

    Hilarious. Thanks for this terrific response.

  • S.I. Rosenbaum

    DYING.

  • S.I. Rosenbaum

    “The question is, of course, so much bigger than twerking, so much bigger than my ass”
    STILL DYING.

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  • dp

    To a degree I find the way u wrote, spoke, and talk about this subject racist. I almost feel a degree of rasicm coming from you as well. This almost reminds me of the colorism Africa Americans do to each other.

  • ಠ_ಠ

    You win the internet.

  • Iman

    You are my shero!!!

  • Sadie

    Thank you! You turned my heart’s angry scream into an Om.

  • Rachel

    First off, this is absolutely hilarious and so well-written. But I also have to say I’m deeply disappointed that the writer decided to create the ‘skinny white chic’ behind her to be a racist hater. I imagine this is a creative piece and not a true story, but if it were a true situation, I don’t imagine a racist white chic would go to a twerking class (where she would be the only white person) in the first place. The fact that she walked into a class where she knew she’d probably be the only white chic would suggest she’s not a racist. Besides, if the author of this piece was standing in front of her the whole time, how could she possibly make the determination that the girl behind her (and not even speaking to her) is racist? The writer of this piece makes the narrator sound very self-absorbed and quick to judge. If this were a true situation, the white chic character could have just been feeling vulnerable and self conscious of her own body and dance moves because she knew she looked completely different from everyone else in the room. Maybe she could have been uncomfortable and wondering if the other girls in the class would be open and accepting of her being with them, but not being black and not being gifted with a bangin booty. Maybe, she could have felt the same as a black person in a room filled with white people. That’s why this piece is so disappointing to me… it’s really heavy on the hurtful stereotyping. Even in it’s awesome comedy it promotes a very nasty type of judgement where people are attacked and shunned before given a chance to be accepted. Black or white, we have to stop promoting these ideas… it’s just so damaging to everyone. This assuming, branding, and condemning people as RACIST is so worn and tired in my humble opinion and it took away from some of the humor in it for me.

    • Rachel

      Well, I now read the article KazzleDazz posted at the bottom… looks like in my first post that I just outlined the exact problem KazzleDazz was writing a satire about! I feel a little stupid, but hey, I got the deeper meaning from the satire right away! HA! KazzleDazz, you are incredibly talented and a wonderful good-humored writer. Thank you for sharing your talent and skill!

  • Torri

    Word for word. This is hilarious.

  • shalon122

    O. M. G. This is hilarious. I just read the original article and a couple other satires earlier today, but this right here had me laughing out loud. “Nah, she was totally hating me” and “I had no choice but to twerk in her face” are my two favorites
    .

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  • BWDWO .

    Ok, I just fell out! Twice even! What a great way to respond to editorial trash. I know I feel a lot better now so Thank You KassleDazz for this well written satire!

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  • MekNes

    After reading that girls article and this one. Good job it made me feel better instead of anger at that racist elite scum that only sees skin color.

  • V

    I find this interesting, considering I’m a black girl with no @ss, and there are white women in class who make me jealous every day… bla!

  • Jay

    To the people who are calling this racist or stereotyped somehow, I think that political correctness does no favors to anyone. It’s ok for black women to be proud of their bodies and not to pretend that everyone is the same. It would be nice to think that everyone is built the same, but this just isn’t true. I know from my own experience in the locker room at my gym that I’m just not built the same way below the belt as black men are, nor are most white guys I see. However, there are always exceptions, and white girls with big butts, etc, so this isn’t totalizing or necessary.

    • Nik

      What? Please read the original article (link is at the bottom of the post).

      • Jay

        Why is it racist? Some people said same about this article on Facebook. I don’t think either is racist.

        • Nik

          You know, I agree. THIS is satire, pointing out the ridiculousness of the original. While I don’t really think the original piece is racist per say, it is drowning in ethnocentric ramblings, and the author’s imaginary thoughts make an innocent woman sound lost in her fat (sorry heavy), black despair. Let’s not call it racist, just a racial post (for better or worse).

  • LA

    LMAOOOOO

  • Krystal J.

    Lmao! I LOVE this. Way to make such a sad case of ignorance light and humorous!

  • Samara Mondello

    Yes 🙂 Thank-you for this , I am a mixed Latina breed and everytime I go into a Zumba , Latin dance class etc. I get the “wow ” your such a natural for a white girl compliment …makes me wonder what bubble they live in . Love how you called out XO Jane , a mirror image to her own racist perspective

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  • Naomi

    #SLAYEDDDD I needed this today. I couldn’t help but SMDH when I read the other article. I mean, really doe?!?!?! This article has made my night.

  • Kate Walter

    Lol great satire of awful piece

  • Greg

    Lol welcome to how black guys feel in the showers

  • Tempest

    A-fucking-mazimg. That XOJane article was so ignorant.

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  • Scott McCain

    I love your satire and this is the perfect response for an ignorant and racist (yes racist or at the VERY least bigoted) viewpoint. When I read the original article about xoJane I was horrified and angry. I can’t believe someone was SO hyper aware of another person JUST because they were black. I wonder if she would feel the same if it were a “heavyset” white woman in the studio. Oh wait, the studio was probably full of fat white chicks. Never mind.

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  • Alexandral

    I’m so glad this exists.

  • D. Williams

    Thank you. That is all.

  • cee-cee

    LOL!

  • pychicfakes

    “The question is, of course, so much bigger than twerking, so much bigger than my ass” Im done !!!! Bravo !!!! You need to do a You Tube vid to accompany this !!!

  • Sonder Twyful

    Brava! You win the award for the best response! Thank you!

  • Amercan111

    Awesome!

  • Skittles

    Words cannot express how awesome this is 🙂

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  • Nikki Ade

    Funny. Loved it!

  • JD

    Absolutely genius. In stitches. I had the displeasure of reading the original IHTM article first…I hope and pray that “Jen Caron” reads this and cries. Thank you, Kazzledazz, you killed it!

  • I honestly leave this open on my browser, still, just so I can look at it and laugh everyday.

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  • lethalenoki

    The Daily Show and The Onion called, they need a new writer, please let it be you. Or just like, make Comedy Central give you a show. Please.

  • Gaz

    Great comeback to a very poorly written piece about yoga. Give me the twerk girl anytime!

  • MamaChitChatChitterling

    Spot on satire! Hilarious.
    Well done!

  • MamaChitChatChitterling

    And the Polachek chick actually had the nerve to try to throw XOJane editor Rebecca Carroll under the bus–saying *she* was supposed to have edited her piece better so that it wouldn’t come off as offensive. Chile pleasssssssssse take several seats.

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  • fattychicken

    Like like like! I can’t like this enough. Thank you!

  • Kungfoochimp

    Fricking fantastic.

  • ilybee23

    Omg, i know she is being funny but clearly some truth to this! this twerking phenomenon makes me feel so worthless! i’ve created my own hashtag. #flatasscanttwerk … in the 90’s it was washboard abs exploited by the likes of brittni spears (didn’t fit that image either) Clearly i’m no amber rose! BAH why is society so inclined to make SOMEONE feel like shit. keep twerking it ladies, i’ll be in the back green with envy.

  • LittleBabyBug Jones

    this sounds EXACTLY almost verbatim what i read of this article from this white chick who said there as a white girl in her yoga class and she imagined the black girl was resenting her for being a thin white woman or whatever, because the black girl in question was heavy set. and the white girl said she went home and cried, or some foolishness like that. could this be satire? lol

    • LittleBabyBug Jones

      never mind. don’t answer this. the article you linked to is exactly it but i had commented before tabbing over to the link provided to confirm.*snicker* yeah, that article was total BS haha.

  • Tuomo

    As an twerk-culture-ignorant white Finnish male, I whole-heartedly bless your use of ass, and furthermore admire you grip of english. You’re an excellent writer.

    About race: I think ours has a problem with self-esteem and inherent coddling. You cannot start a thing without sucking at it at first, putting yourself out there. The world cannot accomodate everyones insecurites, nothing would work that way. With her, it’s the old story of The Omelett and the Unbroken Eggs. But I think if you say something nice to people, it’s their responsibly to read it positively. It’s weirdly even sort of white (*gasp*) to think what if I smile and compliment someone, that it might come off as condescending. Anyway, you’re funny and smart, and made me think. Thank you.

    • Tuomo

      omg, just read the original text. now feel like an idiot.

  • Neghie

    “…Because I was directly in front of her, I had no choice but to twerk in her face. I found it impossible to not think about this poor woman behind me…I knew she was still staring directly at my ass.” ROFL. I’m about a year late, but it’s still hilarious. This would make a hilarious skit.

  • Mimi

    Though this was satire there are white women who are insecure when their bodies are compared the black women. I’m noticing it even more so now that they are trying to appropriate twerking. Every time someone point out that they don’t have the right body type or they look silly for even trying . They get all defensive and you see their racism come out especially when its obvious that they aren’t as good as the black woman. Last time i checked this was a black dance you cant feel uncomfortable with black women doing and looking better doing it. They are only trying to twerk because of flat ass Miley not because they appreciate the culture. Its like they are just noticing that their body type is not the ideal, nor universally appreciated. That makes many of them defensive

  • BonBon

    Dead. Literally. Well, almost literally. I nearly choked on my coffee from laughing so hard. Two years later and I came across the original cringe-worthy article & then was directed here by someone in the comment section. This is freakin’ hilarious! Author – you made my night! Even though I almost choked. Totally worth it!! Hahaha!!!!

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